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How to be the "jerk" that women want
Copyright (c) 2007 Drew Mcpherson
You've all heard it, "nice guys finish last", "chicks dig jerks", and a slew of other adages which all point to one, often bewildering fact. If you are a jerk (of a certain variety), you will get women. If you are nice to them, you will never get to second base. It seems sad, it seems counter-productive, it seems contrary to everything sensible and mature, but it's real. Do not doubt it, or you may be finishing last before you know it. This paper teaches you to avoid the pitfalls that "nice guys" fall into, and describes the kind of "jerk" that women are really looking for (whether they admit to it or not - likely not).
It is not simply any old jerk that will do it for the chicks. It is a very special kind that they crave, ache for, and pine over day and night. You may be a nice guy who tried to be a jerk once or twice to see if you could start winning over those crazy harlots. This is not likely to succeed unless you happen to know a few tricks of the trade. To uncover the secrets of the "desirable jerk", we must first examine the psychology of women. Why is it precisely that they like jerks? What is the underlying motivation behind it? What is the unconscious thinking that twists their desires and logic?
The secret to a woman's unconscious desire for a jerk lies in a couple of different areas of human psychology. The first is familiarity. People hate change, and hate the unknown. If someone has grown up with a certain type of person, they are likely to feel more "at home" with this kind of person than anyone else, regardless of whether it is healthy or logical. Since most women come from broken homes, often with absentee or negligent fathers, this gives us a clue as to the type of person a woman is likely to be familar with and used to.
As a young child, the female is likely to have dreamy-eyed visions of her theoretical father, who may be absent altogether, if her parents are not together, or who may simply be irresponsible and ignore her a lot of the time. She will probably try to reach out to him, and be heartlessly rejected or passed over. This sounds sad, but in a lot of homes today it is very much the case, and it builds upon our understanding of the deep-down female psychology. Sad or not, this being the case means that this is the kind of man who the woman is familiar with, has grown up with (or more accurately without), and hence feels most comfortable with. As sick and twisted as this may be, it is reality for most women because they are not evolved enough to grow out of their conditioning and seek out a healthy male influence. So they simply make the same mistakes over and over again, and amazingly wonder why they keep ending up with the same kind of guy. The very type of guy who she feels most "comfortable" with. The very type of guy who was similar to her absentee father.
The next secret to understand is that like most people, women crave a feeling of accomplishment. They like to set goals, consciously or otherwise, and make progress towards what is viewed as an ultimate improvement. They like to be challenged, and try to overcome those challenges. Who doesn't like the thrill of setting out to achieve something and succeeding? Problem is, this translates to relationships in a rather unhealthy fashion as we will soon see. Some people call this a conquest.
So, now we've got these two variables in this ever simplifying equation. The secret underlying desires of a woman equates to familiarity with absentee father + need for conquest = unconsciously seeking out a certain type of "jerk". Now, you may have heard of some basic rules of dating a woman - things like "wait several days before calling her", etc. Did these people actually know what they were talking about? Well, sort of. Likely they stumbled upon some strange techniques that they didn't quite fully understand, but put them into practice anyway because -for some reason- they seemed to work. I am about to explain to you WHY these seemingly crazy techniques work, and deduce a few more concepts and ideas which you can use.
Let's look at the absentee father scenario a bit closer and compare that type of behaviour to what works and what doesn't. The absentee father is never reachable when you want him. You call and he doesn't answer or is too busy to talk to you. You reach out to him for love and support and he simply rejects you or sometimes throws you a gift or baubble instead out of guilt. Now, think about how you would tend to respond to a woman you just dated. You are likely to want to show her respect by calling her to say how good a time you had, and suggest future plans to put her mind at ease and forge a strong bond and good relationship. Certainly if she calls you, it would be extremely rude to not answer or to be aloof and uncaring. You are likely to want to be extra respectful and appreciative of her reaching out to you in this case. This would be fine, if that's what a woman truly wanted. Rest assured, it is not.
Now many of you may be balking at this advice column by now, fired up and even angry, and I empathize with you. The situation makes me angry too, which is why I am writing about it. Nevertheless, being angry about reality is pointless if we are to truly understand it. So just take a deep breath, and admit to yourself - you've been rejected for showing too much respect, admiration and interest in a woman. Otherwise you wouldn't even be reading this paper to begin with. You'd probably be happily married, enjoying romantic evenings at home and planning your future and your family.
So, when you are dating a woman, she will feel comfortable if you treat her like she is meaningless. Treat her like she is nothing but a pathetic annoyance and like you don't have time for her because you have better things to do and she will feel right at home. It will bring her back to her childhood and everything she has ever known. Treat her as if you have genuine interest and she will feel weird and uncomfortable. She will be suspicious about why you're acting so strangely, behaving as someone she's never encountered before. In the worst case, she may even be paranoid about what horrible things you want to do to her if you are so interested. Remember, the only time that a man was likely interested in her as a child was someone who was a disgusting perverted pedophile - a truly rotten person who she was taught to avoid at all costs. By doing what you consider to be polite and being responsive and caring towards her, you are inadvertently triggering her defences. She will instantly have her guard up and have an eerie feeling about you.
This has all kinds of implications which translate into many of the rules you've likely heard about. Here are some examples of the kind of "jerky" things that a woman will find unusually attractive:
- Not calling her when you say you will
- Being too busy for her when she wants to talk
- Cutting your time with her short
- Being generally aloof and uncaring towards her
- Placing more importance on anything but her (ie: work, school, the guys, drinking, partying, other women, etc)
Some fathers end up feeling guilty for neglecting or abusing their daughter, and so shower her with gifts. This does a great disservice to everyone involved and inadvertently creates a gold digger. You see, when a woman seeks out a man who will spoil her, she is not necessarily just a horrible rotten evil selfish person. She is most likely following her childhood conditioning and seeking out that which she knows best. She no more has any choice in the matter than does a tuning fork when struck. It vibrates and makes a noise. There is no choice in the matter, it simply responds to its environment. It is clear with a tuning fork that it would be asking too much for it to be silent when struck. So too, it is unreasonable to expect or hope for a woman to seek out anything other than what she was programmed for as a child. It is quite deterministic, as evidenced by observation of behaviour. In other words - you've seen the chicks going for jerks, so that proves my theory.
Combine all of this, with the innate human desire to seek out challenges, and we have a monster on our hands. Most women, especially those in the fields of psychology and health care, have a desire to help other people to grow and become healthier individuals. On the surface, this seems to be a respectable and valuable trait. However, because most women have never known what a stable healthy relationship with a man is like, rather than seeking this out, they often use relationships as a means to satisfy their mothering instincts. This results in seeking out the most unhealthy, unstable of men and striking up a relationship with them in an attempt to "heal" them. A woman will purposely pursue the most messed up guys in a misguided conquest to change them into respectable human beings. There are only two possible outcomes to this. The first, and most likely is that she fails and ends up being abused until she cannot take it any longer or the police intervene and take the guy away. The second is that she succeeds and leaves the man once he start showing signs of respect and empathy towards her. You've probably seen this happen too. A woman gets involved with a guy who initially seems like a bad dude, and once he starts to bond with her and shows her some affection, she loses interest and moves on to the next jerk. This not only keep the woman in unhealthy, unstable relationships, but it also reinforces bad behaviour in men who might otherwise treat a woman properly. Think about it - if a man receives a reward for behaving badly - by having women interested in him, and then loses the woman when he behaves respectfully, which do you think he's going to do? So her attempt to "cure" the bad boy, actually does the exact opposite, and ensures a steady supply of rotten jerks for her kind to date.
So... this seems pretty bleak doesn't it? I agree, it is. The only thing that will ever change it is proper education. They don't teach you this stuff in school though; not yet anyway. For more ideas about the solution to this overwhelmingly obvious and truly distressing problem, see my upcoming book on Equilism - the future of capitalism. When humans are ready to evolve and mature, they will inevitably turn to Equilism. Be ready for it long before it becomes a reality.
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Da Roo
Life is the solution to a problem that has no definition
Last Online: 2010-08-27 12:32 PM
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Bill Gates
Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success, so he decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. His comparison went like this:
If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to all this goading, GM replied: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes twice a day?"
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Red Marbles
~Author is unknown~
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprizing a basket of freshly
picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller.
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner asked.
"Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble" . Mr. Miller told the boy.
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or
whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store."
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts..all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his
eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color
or size....they came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho ."
With loving gentleness she lifted the
lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
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